(Yes, Joni. You're the
one.)
I think it was the summer of 1999 or 2000 when Sharon Gans went on a reign of terror during the Montana "retreat." Her daughter's marriage was unraveling and she appeared to be drinking heavily. Her mood was foul, explosive, angry, and vengeful. When we arrived at the ranch, she greeted us by upbraiding everyone because the children were making "too much noise." The following day, she became furious at several people for no apparent reason and ordained that they were no longer "on retreat." This group of approximately 8 were forbidden from seeing Sharon and were forced to do extra work - cooking, cleaning, projects. The other 8 of us were considered still on retreat and would meet with Sharon and dine with her. It was excruciating. At meetings, Sharon would rail against the other 8. Everyone was miserable. She even had the audacity of splitting up some couples - one spouse would be "in" and others "out." I remember privately begging Sharon to bring everyone together - she refused and cautioned me for not "approaching her" properly.
This experience led to several people deciding to leave the cult after we returned to NY. Most of the people who left were interestingly part of the "in" group; most of the "out" group stayed. For those of us who stayed, we were very demoralized. To make matters worse, for a couple of weeks after the exodus, we were made to stay late and get ripped new assholes and blamed by Graves Kiely, Steve Burzi and others for "ruining Sharon's summer." I remember Graves saying that we made him "nauseous." The exodus led Sharon to return to NY quickly and convene more sessions with us where she would raise the volume on the abuse.
Sensing, however, that she and the others had pushed our little group a bit far, she decided to basically throw everyone a bone. She "promoted" this little group to become student leaders of the "circles." Circles were comprised of 6-8 members of the larger group who would meet to discuss certain subjects and books during the normal class time. The circles would be led by 2 other students. I was selected to be a leader. I considered it a sort of consolation prize for the summer disaster, and it did not really make me happy. It was an "honor" I never liked.
Us leaders would meet separately before and after each circle meeting to discuss the reading material and then to recap the evening. The circles themselves lasted about 90 minutes or longer. Each student would contribute their thoughts on the assigned chapter/reading. Us leaders were there to not only moderate but to also comment on what students said, keep everyone on track, and spout the party line on various things that arose. The recaps consisted of basically complaining about and insulting the students behind their backs. Leslie Okladek, Saul Brown, Judy Fowler, and Greg Koch were vicious.
I hated the circles. They were boring. They were long. The discussions were idiotic. People were falling asleep most of the time. These circles have continued for almost 2 decades every week. I don't know how people can stand them. Im falling asleep now just thinking about them. Eventually I quit being a leader because I couldn't stand sitting there and pretending I was superior to the other people in the group.